We feed off each other....

That's what my partner told me today about Pablo and me. When either one of us gets off balance, we throw the other one off and then we cycle and cycle and cycle. She is right. A week of travel and illness and no sleep has me pretty off balance. I am exhausted.

Last night (for the first time in over a week) I finally slept fairly well. Then I got up for an hour, ate, and went back to sleep for three, count them, three hours. I would have slept longer but the kids woke me up. I am not generally that good at napping, especially in the mornings. That should say just how exhausted I am.

My brain feels foggy and I just can't stay present. I want Pablo to just cooperate. Sometimes he is SO 4. I don't want to have to muster up empathy for his reality. I want to just get through the day. Preferably without anyone vomiting on me.

By the way, we had to postpone the party due to illness.

I can hardly keep it together when he starts being... let's just call it 4. I have lost my sense of humor, and that is the one thing that a mom needs the most. Once I regain my balance, I will be able to look back fondly on his shenanigans and laugh. I mean, it's funny that my son told off the lawyer and the judge in the courtroom for calling him (and the rest of the family) by our real names instead of our Toy Story names, right? He YELLED at them, "DON'T CALL ME THAT! DON'T SAY ANY OF OUR NAMES!" and listed them. The lawyer quickly stepped in to say that he has a "very active imagination" and that we change names and ages often. I guess it turned out better than it could have, considering that he didn't want to go because "all judges are mean." Hours of exploring why he should have ANY opinion about judges finally unearthed that the judge in Sweeney Todd is mean. I knew that one would bite me in the ass. I just didn't know how.

It didn't even occur to me that this humiliation could be in the same realm as funny until I was wailing the story to my best friend and she stifled her laughter long enough to say, "So how long till we can laugh about this? A week?" She showed great friendship in not screaming with laughter when I was so upset. I hope she didn't strain something trying to hold it in.

I know I will regain my balance, and knowing it will come around again has to be enough for now. I have nothing else.