Memory, Schmemory

This week has a lot of extras in it (dentist for the baby, vet for the dogs, my partner starting her volunteer night, etc), and I have been hard pressed to keep track. So last night I was talking to my partner, trying to iron out today. It went like this:

Me: Ok, so we are having lunch as soon as the nanny comes. I will pick you up around 11. (Check it out! A date!)

Her: Yes. And the real estate appraiser is coming at 10. (She is refinancing the house.)

Me: Ok, cool.

Her: Do you want to meet in town for dinner before my volunteering?

Me: No, Pablo has that doc appt and I think we will want to stay in and chill.

Her: And because of eating lunch out. That's ok. I will take the leftover quiche for dinner.

Me: Lunch? Who are you having lunch with?

Her, looking at me expectantly: ...


Impressive, no? I can't remember a better memory lapse. Oh. Maybe that isn't very meaningful. Since it's me and all.

Working out, in

I have worked out AT THE GYM, no less, 3 times this year. Impressive, no? I am pretty much over the moon about it. I set a goal to work out 20 times this month. I did it when it was warm and I thought I could take the kids hiking. Now it is raining and 40 degrees and I don't even plan to get out of my jammies. But I am still hoping to work out today. Maybe some yoga, maybe dancing around the house... something. I am starting the year with an I CAN DO IT attitude. I am finding the YES and focusing on that. Go me. Now I am going to clean the kitchen. And maybe set up a play date.

And by the way, I haven't had a chance to agree with my partner that I am a big jerk... we haven't had any disagreements lately. Maybe later I will try being a big jerk so that when she calls me on it I can agree with her.

I'm back!

We went to my family's for a week. We usually have internet access there. This time it was hit or miss, if you had the patience to restart the computer a lot. My partner had the patience (and it afforded her the chance to escape the in-laws... not that she doesn't like them, but everyone needs a break!). I did not.

We had a great trip and had a ton of fun. Then we came home and cleaned house and had Beebz's first birthday party. I can't believe me baby is a whole year old. It is overwhelming to me. I think I am still just a bit in denial. I am still trying to catch up from the tornado of the holidays, but I am really missing blogging (and the mind space it brings!) so I hope to get back into a normal rhythm again soon.

Merry Christmas!

In an inexplicable fit of perversity, I have been unable to use the computer while we have been out of town. Either my partner was using it, or the internet refused to work for me. But, LO, a christmas miracle has occurred and the blasted thing is working so I can take 2 seconds to wish all of you a very merry christmas. cheers!!

Gross National Happiness

Bhutan has a new king. I heard on the Rachel Maddow show (love her, and yes, I am WAY too news obsessed these days. I am hoping that I will chill now that I know the nation is in safe hands again.) that the 28 year old has just been crowned. For those concerned about his age, experience, etc, he assured citizens that he will be continuing his father's policies and keeping a high priority on the gross national happiness.

You read that right. Gross national happiness.

Apparently in Bhutan, the health of the nation is not considered exclusively in economic terms. It matters as much to the government that the residents are spiritually and mentally healthy as they are materially sound.

Rachel made kind of a joke about it, but I think it may be the coolest thing ever. Can you imagine a country that considers itself poor if the people are unhappy? If they are not peaceful with one another? If they have needs (beyond material ones) that are not being met? What a sense of community they must have here. What momentum to feel that every person's actual happiness is of concern to the powers that be.

The scientist in me is dying to know how they measure it, and whether each person gets to define their own happiness. I can see many ways this could go wrong in real life, but the ideal is something to live up to.

I got it all...

Our friend's fancy wedding is next weekend. I got the fancy red dress... I got the amazing silver shoes... so I just had to make a sling to match! I even bought some (gasp!) makeup. (All this girlishness is a good thing since I just got a haircut that looks just like Jamie Lee Curtis. Cute cut, yes. But she is in her 50s and I am 36. Ignoring the part that she is a million times hotter than me at any age, I shouldn't have a 50 year old hair cut. It is classic dyke cut #1. For 50 year olds. eek.)


But back to happiness, here is the SLING I made. I am SO excited!!



PS This photo was BEFORE the hair cut. Another bad cut, actually. This new cut is a "hack it all off and start all over" so someday I will have cute hair again. Sigh.

Parenthically, I also have a suit for Pablo and a dress for the baby. My partner has a suit, so we are officially set for the wedding. I think.

Oh crap!! A gift!!! sigh....

WOW.

Wow. I am having a hard time saying anything else... look at this and you will see why. Wow. See what I mean?

I was innocently looking for elf ears for Halloween. It seemed like a minimal costume kind of thing to do, easy to use again and again.... I found this. And I am feeling so torn, because my first reaction was COOL!!! My next was, oh my... she will be old someday and be a little old lady with elf ears... COOL!!

But.

I can see how the very fabric of this girl's life will forever change based on this decision. I hope she really knows who she is. I hope she feels comfy in her skin but with room to grow. I hope she gets that this has ramifications she will never see coming. I hope it didn't hurt too much. I am in awe.

Wow. wow.

I think I will get these instead. The little ones.

Seeing red. Not THAT red.

My wife is awesome. I consider myself so lucky to have her. She is funny, smart, kind, and all the things you look for in a spouse. She even does a ton of household chores. She is also generally pretty good at dodging bullets. For example, she always responds to "Do I look fat in this dress" questions by proclaiming her love for me no matter what I am wearing. See? Smart and savvy.

So you can imagine my surprise (and dismay) when she came home from work, looked at me, and asked, "Are you wearing makeup, or is your face just really red?"

Ouch.

(Um, yes, I shamefacedly admit to putting on a dash of makeup today in an attempt to feel just a smidge better about my body image that is at an all time low with a big event looming on the horizon. And yes, I have been watching What Not to Wear. I shouldn't, but I do. There. I have ripped open my very soul to share with you my deepest shame. Maybe shames, since I put on makeup too. It is not something I do often, which was part of my partner's argument when I got rather upset with her. Let's get back to that story now, shall we?)

She tried a few ways to explain herself. 1) I never wear makeup, so even though she thought I was wearing blush, she couldn't imagine that it was really true and that I would tease her for thinking I would put on makeup. ahem.... 2) Who says it is bad to be red? People look healthy and vibrant, a blush on the cheeks, etc.... 3) OK, I don't remember any more, but I am sure there were some while I was busy pitching a fit.

What she meant really wasn't bad. She wasn't calling me a clown faced girl or implying I had hives or acne or was just repulsive in some reddish way. I get that. Now. But my little self conscious ears heard it differently then. You have to admit, the sentence "Are you wearing makeup, or are you just really red" is not one of the recommended top ten pickup lines in Cosmo. It is not Oprah's latest guru's trick to help spice up your marriage. It is not really anything anyone wants to hear. Or maybe that's just me.

She explained herself, I understood. And as I walked out the door, she grinned her winningest grin and said, "Hey honey, you look really pretty. And that shirt makes your face look really red!"

OK, that time it was funny....

The best tummy camouflage ever!

You know how it is. Baby weight melts off when you have your first. The second time is not so easy, apparently. We have a wedding next month. I have to go buy a dress that fits since all my dresses are still too small. I cannot express how much I am dreading this. I don't feel comfortable in my skin these days, and there is nothing like dress shopping to make you feel even more... icky.

But I have a secret weapon. What Not to Wear has nothing on me. It won't matter what I am wearing since the only part of my outfit anyone will notice will be the cutest baby in the world in a sling (strategically placed to cover my "problem area." For the first time I am grateful I carry my weight in my stomach, since I can't imagine who would lend me their baby for the weekend so I could strap it to my other thigh.) All she has to do is smile and flirt, something she just can't help doing, and no one will notice me at all. I am all set. I could probably get away with wearing jeans. If I had any that fit....

A Birthday Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a girl who wanted to help people and to be a mom. And to find true love, of course. She grew up knowing she wanted these things, but feared that they would never find her. The helping people part came easily, but the true love part was hard. She met people and tried to make it work, but it never did. She all but gave up on all of her dreams, and had found acceptance in the life she thought she would live.

Then she met D, a wonderful woman who seemed perfect. She was funny and smart and the energy between them was amazing. They quickly fell in love. They waited a few years until the time was right and then they started trying to have a baby. The getting pregnant part was relatively easy, but the pregnancy wasn't. The couple found themselves trying to survive the storm of hormones that came with a difficult pregnancy. Once the baby was born, things became complicated and harder than either expected. A few years later, another child was born, even easier to conceive, but just as difficult to carry.

There were trials and tribulations, disconnections and misunderstandings. They often forgot to look for the magic that started it all. They often forgot just how in love they really were. Sometimes they were angry, sometimes sad. Often they were happy but were too focused on the few negative things to really appreciate all the good.

The truth is, life is infinitely harder than a fairy tale since fairy tales only get you to the end of the beginning. We can't stop ourselves from being who we are. Cinderella probably couldn't stop cleaning the castle even though she was the queen. We all have our own brand of craziness that helps us face the challenges we need to face. We struggle, we resist, and eventually, we evolve.

As hard as it can sometimes be, our challenging, evolving life together is my fairy tale ending. I wouldn't want to live happily ever after with anyone but you. Thank you for the ways you love me, support me, and endure me. I am so grateful for you.

Happy Birthday, my love.

It is supposed to tingle?

I heard about amber teething necklaces and since Beebz is having such a rough time with teething, I decided to give one a try. I found a place in Italy (for goodness sake... nothing like doing the opposite of shopping local...I feel the guilt. Trust me.) that has genuine Baltic amber, blah blah blah etc. The theory is that amber has analgesic properties and wearing it against your skin makes you feel all better.

Well. The baby necklace was only $11, and you get free shipping when you spend $25, so I did what anyone would do. I bought myself a necklace too. Come on, you know you would. A healing necklace. Semi-polished, etc.... I have lots of headaches, and I figured if it helped with teeth, then why not headaches too?

Then we waited and waited and waited almost 2 whole weeks. That is a really long time in this instant everything age. I guess it was made longer by having a sick AND teething baby. Today they came. I was hoping for a fancy box or something since it was all the way from Italy, but no, just a plain white shipping envelope. But it said ITALY written by a genuine Italian person, so I guess that will have to be enough for my dose of culture.

I put the necklace on the baby. And watched. She didn't seem to notice she was wearing it (which is good, cause baby strangling or breaking the necklace and eating the beads would be bad). Then she took a more than 2 hour nap. In bed. Alone. Methinks this necklace may rock (get it?). When she woke up she mostly quit making that "ouch my teeth hurt so I am going to do my best to look like a little old toothless lady" face.

I put my necklace on. It is pretty. I like it. Just one question... is it supposed to tingle?

It's a busy weekend....

This weekend we are going to Houston to visit my partner's sister. I am sure we will have lots of fun. It is, however, in Houston. For those who have managed to avoid that city, good on ya. It is the armpit of Texas. And we are talking TEXAS, people, a place where there are sweaty, dirty, dusty cowboys. The city was basically built on swampland (where only stubborn idiots would build a city -- oh yeah... Texas...) and the air is filled with the fetid, damp odors of swampiness. The only possible good reason for Houston air to be so thick and moist and fetid is, well, so I get to use the word 'fetid.' It is actually physically hard to breathe there. And we are going (note the date, people) in AUGUST. The hottest month of the year. We are fools.


On the good side, there are great museums and nice people and we haven't had a good visit with this branch of the family tree in quite a while. If we can keep from collapsing in the humidity (it's the heat AND the humidity, but the humidity is worse, trust me), I am sure we will all have a wonderful time. Thank the gods for air conditioning. Wish me luck, folks!

This is a test of the technorati broadcast system....

Technorati Profile

Scheduled Outrage

I was going to blog about something else, but when I opened the page, there was a caption at the top of my Blogger screen: "Scheduled outrage at 4:00 PM PDT." Well, how very useful! Scheduling your outrage is a great way to make sure you are at peak efficiency. I mean, being outraged in general really drains the energy, you know? I wonder what we are supposed to be outraged about. Is this outrage to be focused on politics? The environment? The treatment of children? Cruelty to animals? I find myself kind of concerned in advance about my time of outrage. Also, how long is my outrage supposed to last? Is this like a moment of silence thing, or more ongoing? I don't think it is healthy to STAY outraged for a very long time. You just can't sustain it. I think I will go for a 5 minute outrage. That sounds like enough time to show I care, but not really enough to ruin the rest of my day. Yep, 5 minutes. That will do me. I think I also need a topic... hmmm... maybe gas prices! Yes! No... everyone will be doing that one. I need something kind of unique, but still clearly something to be outraged about. Bush won't do.... I am kind of stumped. Ooh! How about disposable things? Like the fact that the production of water bottles takes about 3 times the amount of water that they contain? And the fact that people generally don't understand that throwing away free things is still THROWING THEM AWAY. Like getting a huge amount of napkins at a fast food restaurant! Man, that really gets on my nerves.

No, wait, it's not time yet. I was starting to get outraged early. Sorry about that.

oh.

It says "Scheduled OUTAGE at 4:00 PM PDT."

Nevermind.

Fun Monday: Favorite Words!

The Mothers of Brothers have asked, "What is your favorite word?" And I just have to answer. I mean, its WORDS, people! I couldn't stop at one, so here are some of my favorites, based mostly on how they sound and the experience of saying them.

1. Tyro -- a rank beginner. It is weird to me how many people don't know what this word means.

2. Precipitous -- overly hasty, or literally, a steep cliff. I love saying all the p's and c's.

3. Veritable -- very much. I probably use this word too much.

4. Exsanguinate -- to bleed to death. Such a haunting word. It sounds like something out of a horror movie, and it is!

5. Octogenarian -- someone who is in their 80's. How cool is that?

6. Filibuster -- to impede the progress of legislation through long speeches and other tactics. I love love love that such a silly word has such an important place in deciding how our country is run. Both the sound of the word and the actual practice are ridiculous, but there is no doubt that filibustering has changed the course of American policy many times. It also seems to get used a lot at my house by my son when he really really wants something, making it especially near and dear to me heart.

Thanks for the fun Monday idea, all! Go to the Mothers of Brothers site to see other people's favorite words!!

Guitar Hero ON TOUR

OK, OK, so I got it. Before the ban on spending, and after I had saved up some money for it. You know I have been wanting if for months. I have been obsessing about it. And after all that build up, all I can say is: Guitar Hero: On Tour rocks. I am told the songs are way better than regular guitar hero, but I wouldn't know since I have never played it. What I know is, in those few moments of free time, it is SO FUN to rock out on some Guitar Hero. I will always be a small time video game geek and the DS is just my level of fun (so says the person who can't afford a Wii). I just love pretending play guitar and sounding good. A friend of mine calls it Simon for grown ups. And I say, heck yeah! Gotta love some Simon with MUSIC action. I feel the years peeling away. I almost feel.... 33 again.

My favorite part is that Pablo requests certain songs and then dances around singing at the top of his lungs. See? It's educational too!

Sugar: a new and more disgusting interpretation

Did someone ever REALLY REALLY ruin something for you, but for your own good, so you can't be mad because they were trying to help? Like telling you all about how animals are slaughtered as you eat a hamburger? I am still a vegetarian from reading Diet for a New America in 1992 and I was only EXPLORING MY OPTIONS.

Today it was much more tragic. I went to see my acupuncturist to get help for this 4 week long misery of illness/allergies that has probably gotten boring to hear me whine about by now. She kindly told me that my diet is making it all worse and that I need to make some changes. And to think of any sugar as (oh. Maybe you don't want sweets ruined FOREVER, so you may want to skip a line or two here. Or maybe the rest of the post.) phlegm. Then she got graphic. Describing cookies in detail (hot, gooey, fresh out of the oven) and then saying, "You might as well just eat a big wad of phlegm!" in a perky "helpful" voice. She even went so far as to sing, "Just a spoonful of phlegm makes you really really sick..." to a jaunty Mary Poppins-esque tune. She mimed bringing a spoonful of phlegm up to her mouth and made yummy noises. If any of this is not totally grossing you out, then I am just not explaining it well, cause EEEWWWWWW.

So I get to give up all sugars and all unhealthy carbs. Like bread and pasta. Even whole wheat bread and pasta. Anything that is not a vegetable. After some serious negotiation, she did relent on the carbs to say that since I am nursing I should still eat SOME carbs. But they will turn into yummy phlegm. Healthy sugars like agave? Phlegm. Bananas? Phlegm. Cheese? Of course phlegm. Anything yummy? Phlegm.

Did I mention I am on a sugar craving binge? I generally eat pretty healthy, but I do eat a lot of carbs. And I am currently OBSESSED with No Pudge Fat Free Brownie Mix. These brownies are way too healthy to taste as good as they do. And I have a batch sitting in my kitchen RIGHT NOW. Made before the acupuncture appointment, of course. It is SO WRONG to look at the best brownies in the world and think PHLEGM.

I really have no problem with eating healthier. However, I do NOT want to be TOLD to eat healthier. My acupuncturist is not the boss of me. And do you know what she said to me? Do you? She smiled sweetly at me as I was grumbling about these new fun restrictions and said, "Well, you have been eating a certain way. And you DO eat well. But, you have been feeling horrible for a month. So, (and she COCKED HER HEAD) how do you think that's been working for you? Do you LIKE how you have been feeling? Or do you want to make some changes and feel BETTER?"

Now that is just low down mean and nasty, isn't it? Throwing my own actions in my face like my health is somehow MY responsibility. Oh. Yeah, OK, I guess it is. Whatever.

Nipple Shields: Multiple Meanings. Who Knew?

It all started so innocently. I was looking on Amazon to confirm that they sell Lilypadz Reusable Nursing Pads. I was going to post all about how wonderful they are and how my friend who leaks like crazy can wear these without a bra and not have milk spurting all over the place. She really loves them and thinks they are the bomb. I had been planning to get a pair for myself, but I don't leak that much anymore. Or leave the house, so who cares when I do leak, you know? And Lily Padz won't really help me with that little issue of when Beebz gets a good let down response going and then stops to look around. At a party.

Anyway.

I knew what they were called, but I couldn't remember the fancy pants spelling so I typed in "nipple shields" and started to scroll down the page. And I found this:Nipple Shields (Celtic Knots). I was intrigued, and I clicked. And then I saw the photo of this very sexy nipple shield on an actual nipple. I am no prude, but this is AMAZON we are talking about! I had no idea Amazon could be so... adult, if you get my meaning. Our little Amazon has come so far. It's kind of sweet, really. This is not just an online conglomerate trying to take over the world and still make you like them kind of company. It's a GROWN UP online conglomerate trying to take over the world and still make you like them kind of company.

I just hope they are responsible in their warehousing. I mean, they sell BABY products. Maybe I have been watching too much Toy Story, but should baby toys really know that adult toys exist? Do they have separate warehouses so the baby toys don't get traumatized from seeing things they cannot possibly comprehend? I feel the need to go search the eyes of Pablo's teddy bear to see if he knows more than he lets on. Really.

Lessons Learned from Grey's Anatomy

OK, yes, we are total suckers. We heard that there would be a lesbian relationship on Grey's Anatomy so we decided start watching it. Of course, this meant we had to catch up on all the previous seasons. (Honestly, we mostly did it because we are both crafting like crazy and it's fun to watch TV while madly crocheting and it's summer so no new shows are on and we don't have a Wii or anything fun so why the heck not.)

I love to play the game of placing myself in universes of shows I watch and seeing how they synch up to my life. (This was most fun with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I digress.) Usually I can CHOOSE to play this game, but after a couple of weeks of 2-3 episodes a night I am feeling so submerged in this show's universe that I am actually starting to feel like my life is the weird one. So here is a list of ways my life doesn't synch up with Grey's Anatomy.

* While I often wear pajamas for most of the day, it is because I never get dressed. Not that I got up before the crack of dawn, put on clothes, then drive myself elsewhere to put on my jammies. And trust me, I am not wearing hot sexy undies underneath.

* I generally don't trust doctors. But I thought that was an Eastern/Western bias about treating the body/mind/spirit. No doctor I have ever seen was too busy getting into another doctor's pants to pay attention to medicine. That I know of. This could explain all the long waits at doctor's visits....

* Another thing about doctors. Why have all of the doctors I have ever been to see been so low on the hotness scale? I mean, they aren't hideous or anything, but not ONE could get on this show.

* I apparently am way too committed to my relationship and patient in trying to resolve issues. Apparently I should just switch for a new partner whenever there is a wrinkle. Hmmm.

* And on that note, boy am I not getting enough sex. Especially at work. I mean, I have NEVER had sex at work. What kind of weirdo am I?

* I live by a strong ethical code. I stick to it, and I don't consider it a choice. I didn't know that you could just skip out on your ethics when the mood strikes you. In life or death situations. Good thing I am not generally in life or death situations. All that sticking to my ethics would probably mess up all my responses.

The only lesson I can actually apply to my life is that even geniuses can act like morons. It is nice to have a hard day and at the end of it shake it off my saying, "At least I didn't kill/cheat on/lie to anyone today. It is a comfort.

New Glasses

My glasses are falling apart. And my back up glasses are falling apart. And, by the by, I am having a hard time judging how fast oncoming traffic is going. Guess it's time to see the eye doctor. I have been trying to wait since I know pregnancy and breast feeding wreak havoc on your prescription, but I think the time has come.

Some friends recommended this awesome site where you can get glasses uber cheap. I have fallen in LOVE with these. I think in brown, but its a rough call with those clear red ones sitting right there being all eye-poppy. They would be my back-up frames, since I my addiction to rimless cannot be bought out by any level of funk factor. But these would rock like crazy. And did I mention 8 bucks?

My regular frames will probably be these, but as you can see, they aren't that exciting. I really love these, but apparently no one else does. But, hey, they are my glasses, so maybe I will be a rebel and get them anyway. But with a better lens shape (#346 to be exact). In burgundy. Thoughts? Opinions?