How to meditate with a child. and a car.

First you sit down. Said child sits on one cushion, you on yours, and Charlie (the toy car) on a third. You remind the child (and the car) about breathing and letting your thoughts flow past as if on a river, you take a nice deep breath, and you close your eyes.

2.9 seconds go by and the child reminds Charlie that this is supposed to be QUIET activity. You remain calm, let the moment pass.

1.4 seconds go by so quickly it almost felt like 1.7. Said child starts giggling. You glance over, peacefully. He turns to Charlie and admonishes him to BE QUIETER with great verbosity. Said verbosity takes about 48 seconds. You attend.

0.74 seconds pass. ahhh, the peace of those 0.74 seconds. Child jumps up and starts YELLING at Charlie about meditation etiquette. This lecture takes well over a minute with much arm flinging and jumping up and down. hmm. Adult should at this point step in and remind child that each...being has their own way to meditate, and should attend to his or her OWN meditation.

2.3 seconds pass. Said child again starts giggling and points to Charlie when adult opens her eyes and fixes child with a less than peaceful glare.

3.8 blissful seconds pass in silence. Child again starts YELLING at Charlie about interrupting the meditation. This takes 52 seconds and is easily the loudest speech of all.

The baby wakes up. Adult stands up to get baby and child says, "Aw, I am so sad that the baby ruined our meditation time!!" and runs from the room.

Funny, I thought the problem was Charlie....