Friday, July 31, 2009

Hey, honey, this is the one I told you not to read, OK?

So we have this agreement in our house. When I get hooked on disturbing things that really upset me, but I can't let them go, and I don't tell my partner because it would upset her too much. The not telling is for both of us, because while I just get really obsessed and upset, she has nightmares. Bad ones. And she wakes me up to talk about it. It behooves all of us for me not to tell her things I read or see concerning children dying, being kidnapped, graphic violence, etc. But it also leaves me no outlet to talk about it, since when I talk to my friends my kids are around and I am generally smart enough not to inflict my traumas on my kids.

When I was pregnant with Beebz, it was polar bears and thank the gods I could talk to my partner about that one. I couldn't stop thinking about the ice caps melting and how polar bears are drowning because they don't know that the iceberg they have been to 1000 times has melted because humans are irresponsible gits. I would tear up, and my partner would look at me and say, "polar bears?" and I would nod and wail. It just broke my heart.

I really try to stay away from all the stuff that will obsess me. I really, really do. This one was innocent, I thought. A show about kids with progeria. I love science and biology and all that good stuff. And I knew that this population has a much lower life expectancy. And the kids are so happy and sweet, even in the face of all kinds of medical issues.

But then a dad started talking about how each birthday is really sad for them because they know that most kids don't make it past 14, so when the child has a birthday, he can't help but count down instead of up. Gulp. And then they talked about their fears of having another child, but when doctors promised these parents there was a 1 in 8 million chance that lightning would strike again, they had another baby. With progeria. And all he can think as he watches and worries with the first child, this will be what it is like with the second, too. Without a doubt, these parents will watch their children die. Way before their time.

Is it any wonder I can't get this out of my head?! If you have kids, give them an extra hug today. And send out a prayer to families touched by this disease.

And don't tell my partner I told you.

1 comment:

  1. Oh man, I'm with you. I feel so deeply, being a true Empath. There was a time when having a child was a difficult thing to contemplate because of all the pain I saw in the world (yes, including the polar bears). I worked out a way to find inner shelter whilst remaining empathic. I don't think we're here just to feel like shit, lol.