Monday, May 12, 2008

Day One:

In a desperate attempt to maintain some hold on reality, I am starting a blog. Why, do you ask? For the purpose of holding myself accountable to my greater intentions for my life. To remind myself to connect in meaningful ways to my two amazing children. To take nothing for granted. To create a space for myself to rise above... and fall, inevitably, below.

I am snatching a few moments while my mother's helper is here playing with my 4 year old. I type as my 4 month old nurses, and I stop to look into her eyes. She smiles at me, and nothing else seems to matter. But then my monkey brain kicks in, telling me that I need to bathe the dogs, and its a little cold today, and blah blah blah... you get the idea. Then I look into her eyes again. How did I create this miniature wonder of the world? How can something so perfect end up making you so crazy in a few years? How do I stay at home with my beautiful children and still be me? There is much to explore.

Ah, she is falling asleep. She will only be little for such a short time. Every moment of this time is fleeting. Everyone says, "They grow up so fast!" and no matter how much you nod and agree, no one really thinks you understand. I didn't get it with my first. But with my last, it brings tears to my eyes that she will so soon be crawling and walking and talking and going to college. Will she visit much when she is married? Will we be close when she is an adult? How many crimes of impatience will I have to make up for?

Busted. I am sitting here, missing her magical connection to my body in favor of pushing myself 20 years into the future, making a peaceful moment sad. This mindfulness stuff is harder than it looks! For now, I am reminded to be in the here and now. And to bathe the dogs.

1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful start to your blog...make sure you add 'breathe' to the list of things to do (in addition to bathing the dogs) though :-)

    I'm excited to see what you've written (D just told me today you had a blog as well), but I'll have to catch up on everything later on. Until then, take care!