SHOULDS

Here I will write all my shoulds. You know, the things that I should do, should think, should be, etc. Today is mostly things I should do. Thats what is most on my mind at this moment.

1. I should be exercising. Taking walks, doing yoga, dancing to fun music if I can't talk the boyo into leaving the house. I should be going to the gym after the kids are asleep at night.

2. I should be meditating. Its been years since I had a regular practice. 5 to be exact. Right around the time I got pregnant with my first and about the time that throwing up became a form of exercise.

3. I should be spending more quality time with my son. He has been entertaining himself for almost 2 hours with minimal input from me, and I feel increasingly guilty for not paying attention to him. But I have to work when the work is here. Thats the fun of being contract.

4. I should be getting more sleep. I operate better with more sleep, but I end up staying up to get down time after everyone else is asleep. I need down time, but I probably need sleep more....

5. I should be earning more money. My staying home puts us in an economic crunch, and its up to me to find ways to bring in the cash. I have two tiny jobs, one that is my passion and the other that is... well, its at least at home, anyway. The problem is, since the home job is contract, the work comes and goes. As does the money.

6. I should be eating less. And healthier foods. But mostly less.

7. I should be kinder to myself and acknowledge that I am doing the best I can in all things. I should not beat myself up or expect myself to be super human. I should let myself be in the moment as it is, finding the beauty in it, and not taking away from that by being in the "shoulds".
I think I will work on that last one first... at least I should.