Monday, September 15, 2008

Feeling like you know

For most of my life, I have had an altar. Before I knew what an altar was, I had one. I can remember as a young child arranging and rearranging items of significance to me on a low table and sitting before them, not knowing I was meditating.

I have also always been drawn to things like the IChing or Tarot. I use them to get a clearer sense of where I need to go. I don't think they are divine any more than I am... but then again, I think everything, every person, every particle is divine. It is a way to get in touch with my intuition. To have something to react to, either positively or negatively. Yes, this fits; no, that doesn't. I rarely get any flashes of brand new insight. Most often I get messages that tell me I am on the right path, that I am loved, that I need to follow my intuition. Strangely enough, I feel much more settled about my choices when I have consulted these tools. As if I have confirmation that I am plugged into the universe.

Since having children I have done this all less and less. We had an actual meditation room (still do, I guess) where my altar sat, my yoga mat was always ready, and there was always space. I took down my alter when Pablo started walking. There was just too much breakable (or chokeable) stuff on it. I just didn't know how to make an altar kid friendly, so I let it go.

I want it all back. I love the feeling of having an altar that I care for. It is a way I take care of me, take time for myself. I am still trying to figure out logistics, but it is starting to feel less and less like an option I can disregard and more and more like a necessity. I need this part of me back. I will figure out a way to get it.

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