Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I was on....

I was back on track. But as I settle into my new routine, here I am. I just can't escape me. Today I wish I could. I worry about things I can't control. I resist the hell out of things. I feel resentful about things I am able, some days, to release. I want things I will never have. And I blame others for creating that situation. I don't see my loved ones for who they are, but through the lens of who I wish they were.

I feel sad that I am not flowing with my life in a peaceful way. I am back to fighting everything. At least in my head. I want that peace back. I want things to be easier.

I need to let go of my notions of how things "should" be. I need to relax and be with myself as I am rather than expecting myself to be different. Even in trying to let go, I have expectations. I disappoint.

How do you let go of letting go?

How do you sit with being somewhere you do not want to be?

I guess I just will go sit with that and see what happens.

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