How very like me...

Let's get one thing clear. I love my son just as he is. I honestly wouldn't change a thing. AND... I see things in him that are so much like me and that caused me so much pain as a child. He doesn't know how to interact with peers. Neither did I. Sure, he has a few friends that he joins in with now and then, but he is clearly just as happy (if not happier) to do his own thing. I have been trying to broaden his social network and it is SO painful to watch him detach from interacting with others his age in favor of doing his own thing.

Wait a minute. He IS happy doing his own thing. And through all of his idiosyncrasies, even through people close to us judging him for the differences that giftedness brings, I have loved and accepted him. My sad feelings are really about me. I was the one who wasn't accepted by peers and felt hurt by it. I was the one who always felt like the outsider. He plays with others, or not, as he chooses. He doesn't seem to notice being left out. Maybe he will notice when he is older, but what I tried to make into angst for him now is really angst for my own inability to connect. I still often feel like an outsider and like making new friends is hard. I assumed he would feel the same way I feel and I wanted to fix it.

Hmph. How very like me.