Saturday, September 13, 2008


I stayed on the wagon a couple of weeks, fueled by my new "structure" and "organization" and "all that." But now it has been a while, not long enough to be a routine, certainly not long enough to feel good.

I had decided that Pablo didn't need more structure but I did, so I started planning meals and chores using a Google calendar. I started going to the gym on planned days.

I stuck to it all with verve. I really did.

Then life started happening.

There were interruptions.

And I felt rebellious and purposefully broke the menu plan (oh, the sweet feeling of rebellion!!).

Now I am feeling such resistance to the thought of getting "back on track." I am wondering if "on track" is where I really want to be. Picture the 3 year old with the lower lip poking out, arms crossed, yelling, "I DON'T WANNA!!!!!"

Then I am wondering if I am just fighting something that is really good for me out of sheer stubbornness. That is like me, after all.

The honeymoon is over. Now it is feeling like work rather than pleasure. Discipline. Ewww. But isn't this what I wanted? Structure? Discipline? Focus?

I admit I did feel a lot better while I was doing it. OK, OK, I see what I am saying... I don't have to nag. I will keep on keepin' on.

But I still don't wanna.

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