cravings

I am craving food. Any food. All food. And there is this rebellious part of me that answers the meek little voice whispering no by saying YES!!! This might just be getting to be a problem.

I know it is all about control. Or rather, having the illusion of control. We don't have control over anything, really. But feeling like we do keeps us getting out of bed in the morning. Feeling this need to change change change my parenting has me a tad out of sorts. It seems to be working, so far, but I am exhausted. And did I mention the baby is keeping me up all night nursing? Some nights I just can't sleep through it... don't know why. It is funny to me how bad habits make me feel more in control even though it is the reverse, while good habits feel externally imposed and therefore not in my control. hmmm. Gonna have to think about that one some more.

Anyway, I am tired. And I feel out of control from all this self imposed change. And I think I need some hot chocolate.

no...

YES!!!!