Wednesday, October 8, 2008

What to do?

Pablo's regression from having a sister has finally started, now that she is really mobile. It is sinking in that this little person is going to (gasp!) have independent thoughts, feelings, and desires. She is not just a really cool doll. The worst regression is at bed time. No matter how much time I spend with him at bed time (making sure he gets undivided mama time) and no matter what agreements we make beforehand, 30 second don't pass by before he is back out of the room with a big grin on his face. It makes us crazy. Evening is, of course, my tiredest part of the day. I don't want to fight and fight and fight. I want to get some down time and get the baby to sleep (oh, did I mention his hijinx usually wake the baby up so she then stays up extra late? yeah, fun....). Maybe spend some time with my partner. Craft like crazy since I still have a ton of xmas presents to make. You know, Stuff. Not asking/arguing/bartering/threatening Pablo about getting the heck into bed and staying there.

I generally start with compassion. Thinking about his transision into siblinghood, needing more mama time, etc. Then I think about how I try to get that into the day and how he is often too busy doing his own thing to want to stop and play with me when I am able to (sans baby). Argh. I just don't like the yucky path my thoughts then go down. I get so mad at him for not making it easy. I feel so frustrated that I try and try and try but nothing seems to work.

And I find myself saying horrible things to my little boy, yelling and making threats (taking away toys etc.). I feel like the world's worst parent. I get to the point where I don't know how to get him to take me seriously. All the talks in the world, all the agreements, all the negotiation, just fly away when it is time for him to go to bed. I want to scream. I want to rant. And sometimes I do. And then I feel awful.

How do you keep your head as a parent when the child is knowingly pushing buttons and giggling about the reaction? I know I should be looking for ways to make the rest of the day more focused on him, taking the energy away from him getting time with me primarily at bedtime. But there is only so much me to go around and between the separation anxiety baby and the boy who is always off doing his own thing when the baby is napping etc. I just don't know what to do.

Breathe. I will try that. Just have to remember how.

1 comment:

  1. ah, been there am there was there.
    hang on and try to enjoy.