Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Dentist

We took Pablo to the dentist today. I am so so sorry to say he has a cavity that probably needs a crown. Given his age and disposition, we are opting to go for an in hospital procedure because he would undoubtedly fight mild sedation. I am so scared for him. It is no secret that I don't trust western medicine and to put my child's life in the hands of strangers freaks me out more than I can say. The dentist we totally trust. Anyone else (like the anesthesiologist), not so much. My poor baby.

I feel like such a grown-up impostor. Inside I am still a scared kid, not some calm, cool, collected adult. Not like the adults I remember looking up to when I was a child. I have faked it well for almost 5 years. Now we face the music of me letting down my child because of my fears. I have to do better than this for him. He deserves a better mama.

Ah, fear... my closest companion all these years. Now coming to attack me at my weakest point, the intersection of my children and their health. Gods, let it all go well.

1 comment:

  1. Good post. It's interesting that you mention feeling like an impostor.

    Over 20-years ago, I saw Paul Newman in an interview say that he always had the feeling that someone was going to come through the crowd, take him by the arm and say, "It's over Newman. It's all been a mistake. You're coming back to paint houses."

    When he said that, I immediately understood the feeling. Later I learned that he was describing the impostor syndrome. The Impostor Syndrome is the feeling that you are not as smart, talented, or skilled as people think you are. It's the feeling that you are a fake and have been getting away with something and are about to be found out. It affects 70% of adults and is especially prevalent in high achieving women.

    I've spent the past two decades living with and learning about this common condition.

    The Impostor Syndrome is a fascinating topic and the subject of my new book, "The Impostor Syndrome: How to Replace Self-Doubt with Self-Confidence and Train Your Brain for Success."

    You can download Chapter One, "Paul Newman and I" at