Thankful.

The baby has been sick. I am getting no sleep. I am still tragically sad about my recent pummeling at the hands of a friend and the ensuing drama that followed when I reacted only with love. I can't seem to let this go. And, because it all happened on my blog, I find myself paralyzed about blogging. This is a space for my truth and to be judged on it feels more violating than I had imagined it could. I got called "a nut" by a dear friend because of my profession. I am stressed out about the holidays because, well, they are stressful. Fun, but stressful. Most of all, I am sad. As my existential crisis lingers on and on (and on, yes, I know, get over it), I feel like the people I can trust just gets smaller and smaller. I feel so alone so much of the time.

But....

I have two amazing children that mean the world to me.
I have the best partner in the world. I would seriously pit her against anyone in a "being a good partner" contest. She would totally win.
I have a home that is safe and beautiful.
I have people who care for me.
I get to practice my career two hours a week which helps me remember the larger part of me so I don't drown in full time mommyhood.
I have family that loves me dearly and shows me the best they know how.
I am healthy.
I have time each day to relax and be brain dead for a while. Well, most days....
I get to be creative on a daily basis.
I get to raise my own children.
I have many many books. (That should go higher on the list...)

You see, I have so much to be thankful for. I will sit with the sadness and let it be tempered by my gratitude.