I wish I knew...

I don't understand
How
One day I am calm
And peaceful
In the face of tsunami storms
That
Wash over me
Through me
Past me
While within I am centered.
Anchored.
Calm.

Another day
The waters are calm
But I am not.
The storm rages within,
waiting,
And the most gentle wind
Without
Somehow sets tidal waves in motion
And I am left to
Hold back the storm
Trying so hard
But failing so pathetically
To protect
Those I
Love
So
Much.

The difference is within,
Not without.
This much
I know.

The rest is a mystery.
Depths I cannot fathom
No matter how I try.
Being gentle to myself
Does not come naturally,
But I try to
Learn,
So slowly,
Compassion
For the storms I weather
Within and
Without.