Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Mama's Mala

I have been really trying to get more present, stay more present, and generally to stay checked in. To not gravitate toward resentments. To be aware of my thoughts, and to allow them to pass through, rather than sticking around.

I was playing with getting a tattoo on my arm to remind me, playing with words and images. Nothing really fit.

Then I thought of my mala. I thought maybe wearing it would help, and would focus me on my intention. I also thought I could meditate with it in short bursts (not the point, I know, but better than no meditation at all, right?) as needed. I couldn't find it. sigh. I looked everywhere. No dice. Then I decided maybe it was time for a new mala, a new start, a new outlook.

On the way to our camp site, we stopped and I got a new mala. Guava beads. Nothing like what I had before, since I am generally a dark woods kind of girl. This is light in color, and the beads themselves are a little rough. Nothing polished. A little beat up. Perfect for me.

When we got to the woods, Pablo and I asked the universe to bless the mala, to bring me peace, and to help us both be calmer and more focused. We agreed that we would touch it to return to the here and now, and to use it when our emotions were getting overwhelming.

I have worn it for 3 days, and I think it is making a huge difference. It is bulky enough to make me aware of it (so I can breathe) but comfortable enough that I am not bothered by it. Pablo has used it to calm himself down during upsets, holding a bead between his fingers and asking for peace. Today something upset me and at that moment, the tassle on my mala fell into my hand. I took some breaths, I got to a centered space, and I responded from a space of compassion rather than defensiveness.

And did I mention that when we got home from camping I oiled my mala with almond oil and amber essence? Amber is my absolute favorite scent, and I never wear it anymore... no time for fancy stuff for mama! But now my mala smells of amber, and it reminds me of who I used to be, and how I have grown. Some of the pre-mama parts of me are hibernating, but they are not gone for good.


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