Monday, May 19, 2008

Paying Attention

Today my son needs my attention. He is the kind of kid that can spend hours focusing on one thing or seconds flitting between a hundred things. Some days I am asked to join in his world. Other days I am left behind. I don't mind. Those are the days I get a little break. Today he wants me present. This is a gift too, since I can choose to go with the flow and stay mindful of being in the present moment rather than fighting against his needs to do my own agenda. This is a chance to slow down and be completely in the now. I can't focus on future or past, just this moment. He challenges me to stay with him, not doing my own thing (ironic since I am blogging right now, isn't it? But he is playing computer with a running commentary right now, so its ok.).

I find this so hard. My brain wants to go go go go rather than be. Everywhere I look there is so much to do. The house is never clean, the baby needs attention too, and where am I in my sleep-deprived state in all of this? But being with him in a completely focused way asks me to let go of all of this, and enjoy the moment. I notice how I often want him to go faster (is it really reasonable for his turn at Candyland to take 15 minutes?) so that I can get to the next thing. All of these next things are going to add up to his whole childhood if I am not careful.

I know that when I stay present I feel better. But it is much more tiring. Maybe. Or maybe when I am not present with myself I just don't notice how much energy I am leaking out. Maybe I need to change what I am reading and reread Buddhism for Mothers: A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children instead. She has a new book out too, Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children: Becoming a Mindful Parent. Its on my wishlist!

For today I will work to be present. Even if Candyland takes a whole hour.

No comments:

Post a Comment