Monday, October 19, 2009

another trip to the farm...

We went to see my folks over the weekend. As always, we had a great time. However, I saw things that made me think.

First, boy is there a difference between how I think kids should be treated versus what they think. I mean way more than the typical "good boy" nonsense that so gets on my nerves. My son was told that if he didn't eat his dinner, his granddaddy would be soooo sad because he had worked so hard to make a yummy meal. Oy. It went on a while. There were other things said, violent things, that my family has always taken for granted (I'm gonna kill you, said jokingly, but not funny at ALL to me these days). There were judgments, forgotten now, that left me with that ever present feeling of having to watch the kids more closely, knowing that on step "out of line" will be viewed as just that, rather than a process of kids learning to be grownups, eventually.

Second, I got so clear that my mom just HAS to be raising animals. It is her passion. Right now it is chickens. I am glad it makes her happy. And it was fun to pet the chicks. Maybe she will whittle down her miniature horse collection in favor of chickens. Probably not, considering she has 2 shetland babies in the barn.

Finally, (and this one puts all the other nonsense in perspective) my parents are starting to look older. They are still in great shape, but lately I have been more aware of mortality, and seeing my parents while I am in that frame of mind scared me. I think of all the ways I wish we could connect and know we never will (not necessarily from my lack of trying, trust me). I think of all the things they know that they take for granted that I could never learn if I just dedicated my life of following them around for a few years being a nuisance. I think of missing them, some day, irrevocably. I mean, I grieve now, when all that happens is that they don't initiate contact with me or come to visit my family. I cannot imagine the depth of missing them when they are not a phone call away.

Great. Now I am crying. That wasn't supposed to happen! Phooey.

We really did have a great trip. It just made me kind of thoughtful. And kind of sad.

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