I fell off the map.

At least it felt like it. We had some bad days, then some better ones. I am back on my existential crisis, feeling like I have no friends who get me (or get my son, or get the package that is my family), blah blah blah. Even I am sick of it. So I read my partner's Oprah. I have a really hard time with finding wisdom in a magazine that sells lipstick.

That's not true.

I have a hard time ADMITTING that I find wisdom in a magazine that sells lipstick. But Oprah manages it monthly. For those who can't afford therapy, just go read the most therapy-ish article in there (hint: it is NEVER EVER Dr. Phil. That guy is a nutbag for sure. I can't imagine that he keeps his license. Don't get me started on his stance toward children and parenting. Vile.) and it will get you through the month.

This month it is Just What You Need by Martha Beck. All about abundance mentality.

Sigh.

I am all too aware of my scarcity mentality with regards to money, friends, community, and even in my faith in the universe. To me there is never enough. So I have been working HARD to believe that I have all I need, and that all I need comes to me. I am trying my best to feel content with what I have, love my life as it is, see the good in what I have, and let changes happen as they come rather than chafing at the bit, constantly wanting more, more, more.

This being content thing takes a lot of work. Am I not doing it right?

Compromise

She wanted to go for a ride in the stroller. I wanted to do laundry. Here is the compromise. What a helper!



Note 1: She is laughing.

Note 2: Those are CLEAN diapers. I am reasonable in my compromises, after all!!

Monopoly is SCARY.

Pablo and I have moved on to MONOPOLY, and for all my rage against the man, capitalism sux kind of attitude, I love to play Monopoly. Of course, no grown-ups will play. They want to play grown-up games. So you can imagine my delight when Pablo agreed to play with me.

We set up the game, I explained the rules, and off we went. Until someone went to jail. Then it got progressively less fun. "Why do people go to jail?" "Why do people do things wrong?" "Why do I have to go to jail just for getting 3 sets of doubles? Is that wrong?" "Is it scary in jail?"

I answered as best I could, and only talked about it from the perspective of the game unless directly asked about REAL LIFE. Then I was as gentle as I know how to be.

And yet, in the hour and a half we played, he went from thinking Monopoly was his new favorite game to a quivering wreck of a 5 year old, petrified that he would have to go to jail. At one point, having rolled 2 sets of doubles, he handed me the dice, asked me to roll for him, and ran from the room.

Finally, in spite of having twice as much money as me, hotels and houses on the only 2 monopolies on the board, and the makings of a booty whipping for mama, he asked to quit. Jail was just too stressful.

I was so sad. I had great compassion for his fear, but I was seriously bummed at losing a Monopoly partner. I thought and thought and thought about what to do. Finally, I asked Pablo if Monopoly lost a jail and gained a PARK (with rules about how you get in and how you get out that are suspiciously like going to jail...), would he feel more comfortable playing the game?

The answer was a resounding YES! much to my joy and delight. So today we played again. For another hour and a half (ie until Beebz was too pissed of at being largely ignored) we played. We went to the park, we bought properties. We had FUN. The game is on pause now, due to a pressing need to play playmobile Mamma Mia (where they are playing Chutes and Ladders right now. Confused yet?). But I bet we pick up tomorrow right where we left off (by the by, I am doing way better this time. He will have to work to kick my booty).

One of the best parts of having kids is having someone to be a kid with. Thanks Pablo!!

PS Holy crap. He has the Chutes and Ladders board memorized and is wanting me to play by memory. No, wait. He says in this game, everything is doubled. So the board repeats itself, along with all the chutes and ladders. Jiminy cricket. And the spinner now goes up to 12. Thank goodness he will be keeping track of all this....

Anyone Lesbian and TTC?

Hey guys, my partner and I are officially bearing no more children. (I am not yet giving up on adopting!!!) We are cleaning out and realized that we have a TTC kit (speculum, syringes, catheters, collection cups for the swimmers, etc) that we would like to pass on to a good home. (None of it has been used. Ewww.) Some friends gave it to us. All we took from the kit was one catheter. It appears to be worth about $90 bucks, from the receipt in the bag. Does anyone need these supplies? We aren't looking to make any money, just to pay it forward. Hopefully we can ship you our luck, too (3 tries and 1 try, respectively)!! Email me if you are interested.

How to Play Non-violent Clue with a 5 year old.

Don't let the child read the instructions or the gig is up.

There is no Mr Body. There are 6 friends who want to play... hide and seek. We get to help find them.

They want to hide with... objects. They think it will be more fun that way. Say, "No, I have no idea why they are called weapons." Gloss over that as quickly as possible.

Continue as per the rules.

How long do you think that could last? In my house, about 5 minutes. Pablo asked my why anyone would hurt someone else. Phooey those instructions.

I wasn't offering a nursing show, lady. That's weekdays only.

I am an unabashed lactivist. It wouldn't occur to me in a million years to hide away from people in order to nurse, unless of course whatever was going on was distracting the baby. Which it was today, at a birthday party. Beebz was tired and grumpy and kept unlatching to cry at me, so I went into a bedroom to nurse her to sleep. A little while later another mom came in with her toddler, and jumped as if she had caught me pole dancing while wearing only pasties. (avoid the visual. please.)

"Oh, I am so sorry! I didn't know you were nursing! I was just looking for somewhere to change a diaper," she said as she started to leave the room.

I replied, "Oh, it's OK. You can stay. I don't mind."

Now here is the part where I need your help, dear readers.

She said, "No... I will just use the bathroom. My husband is here." Then she walked out, closing the (previously open) door behind her.

Huh? What? Understand, I was totally covered up. There wasn't going to be a show, with or without her husband present.

So I am just a bit disappointed that I didn't get a chance to nurse publicly, just to see what would have happened!

The Amazing 2 Week Blanket!!

I complained a while back about the amazing blanket I was making and then had to rip out TONS of yarn. Despite the delay, it is finished in about two weeks. This is by far the prettiest pattern I have ever done. It was fun, challenging, and exciting to do. This is impressive since most blanket patterns get boring very quickly. Needless to say, I am darned pleased with it.


Now quick, someone have a baby so I can make another one!!



ILLNESS UPDATE: Now the boyo is sick and the baby is well. They are both napping right now. The fact that Pablo is asleep during the day shows that he is feeling REALLY lousy. I have a sore throat that hurts too much to let me sleep, so I am goofing off and drinking hot tea. And enjoying the quiet.